


Cake for the Blood God

by thegay_herb



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Cute, Dream Smp, Family Dynamic, Fluff, MCYTober (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Minecraft, Short Story, Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), i mean i guess its a short story, its cute, mcyt - Freeform, platonic husbands, someone pls tell me how to tag, techno didnt wanna participate, they make a cake, wow another fanfic i dont know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29956035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegay_herb/pseuds/thegay_herb
Summary: Technoblade's voices suddenly crave making a cake but one issue: he has no idea how to bake.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	1. A Cake??

Calloused fingers gripped tightly to the sword handle as Technoblade twirled, which is the most graceful way to put the movement he’d made almost 10 times now, and his falling apart braid whipped around and hit him straight on his chest. Sweat dripped down his heated back and red face and quick intakes of breath echoed the empty forest along with cracks from small fallen branches his boots kept destroying. With another quick jab at nothing, his slightly shaking arm pointed directly at a passing rabbit, knocking him out of his concentrated state as he stared. The animal blinked at him quietly for a few moments before scurrying off and a throaty chuckle was released. 

The man had been out here for almost 3 hours now, vigorously continuing to train, a vivid red cape hung on a fallen tree that flew gently in the dying wind of the afternoon. Sun beaming down, Technoblade decided he’d take a break for now, bringing in larger puffs of air and plopping himself down onto the same log as his cape sat on. 

Grinding his teeth and rubbing his temples, the hybrid groaned at the voices still yelling in his head. Usually, swinging his sword around for a few hours and getting lost in his own mind made them go quiet. At least temporarily. But today didn’t seem to be the case.

Instead, they just grew louder and it made his whole body ache and heartbeat thump more than it should. 

“Could we just be quiet for right now? I’ll do whatever just… hush,” he said to himself quietly although there was no reason to; nobody accompanied him.

Everything seemed crowded in his mind and his now shaking fingers rubbed at the still wet temples, drenched in sweat he hadn’t bothered to wipe off yet. Technoblade tried to shove his own voice into the conversation but was quickly tuned out as they all conversed amongst themselves as if they were making a decision.

He could only pray they didn’t want him to do anything too bad.

For a second, there was a silence that only came when a collective decision had been made before they all decided to blurt it out at once. Never was it a good thing but the pinkette could hope.

“Cake.”  
“We want cake!”  
“Red, red, red.”  
“Red cake indeed!”  
“Make it look pretty!”

Contorting his face and leaning back off his knees a bit in surprise, the man looked among the ground as he continued to listen. Every one of the eerie and unsettling noises in his head wanted cake; a red cake to be specific. They declared over and over, “Cake for the blood god!” 

There was no bloody request, no gorey need to fill that weird and empty hole inside of him. No plead for murder, for chaos, for everything and everyone to be harmed and for him to brutally kill whoever he could get his hands on.

It was incredibly surreal to Technoblade who still sat baffled as the voices chattered on, coming up with decoration ideas and what frosting they would use and oh what lovely tastes they could create! 

Unfortunately, he still wasn’t as hyped as them.

“I don’t know how to make a cake,” he interrupted as if the voices in his head were people standing right in front of him. 

Some of them groaned and grumbled, commenting how “not fun” and “weird” Technoblade was for not knowing how to make a simple cake. He would have scoffed if some of the others chimed in. 

“Phil!”  
“Phil is all knowing.”  
“He can bake! I just know it!”  
“Bakeza!” 

That last one made the hybrid chuckle a little.

Shaking his head and mulling over the idea for a few more moments, Technoblade gnawed at his inner lip, tapping his fingers along his leg. He was up for the idea but he was still unsure since he had never in his life baked and wasn’t fully confident that Phil had either. But then again, he’d never know unless he asked.

Collecting his things, the pinkette shook his head as the voices cheered for him, excited and ready to get started on what a wonderful and tasty sweet they would make. Throwing his cape over one of his shoulders, the trek home started with the voices hyping him up the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how tf do end notes work i am frustrated


	2. Asking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno goes to ask all those he can and unfortunately has to take a route he didn't want to.

“Mate, I’m not the best at cakes.”

“C’mon, Phil! For once the voices demand something that doesn’t include me committing mass murder. Are you just going to deny them?” Technoblade huffed, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall of Phil’s house.

With a chuckle, the older male fluffed his wings out and walked across the room, specifically towards one of the many chests. It clicked as it opened and Technoblade got dragged deeper into the voices.

“I can cook, sure. Most all of us can here on the server. But bake? No way in hell. Last time I tried I almost burned down my whole house and poisoned myself.”

The blond riffled through the chest with a concentrated look on his face, bending slightly with his tongue sticking out while Technoblade stared, spaced out.

He got lost deeper into his own mind as he listened to the voices response to this. They were all complaining, some less than others and less upset, only commenting lightly while the more dramatic ones wailed and pleaded for cake to be made. Especially since they’d been so excited previously. He tried to calm them down and soothe them but it wasn’t his top skill and it seemed to only make them cry harder.

Knocking him out of the conversation he was having with a clearing of his throat, Phil gently gestured some ingredients towards his son.

“I can’t bake but I hear Ranboo can. I can provide ingredients but that’s about it.”

Sighing and shoving himself upwards, the younger reached for the food and stuffed it into his inventory. A soft smile crossed Phil’s face and he attempted to return it but it became increasingly difficult to stay present as the voices now exclaimed how badly they needed to go see Ranboo now to make a cake.

It was still confusing how set they were on this.

“Thanks, Phil. I’ll uh, I’ll go get Ranboo. See ya later.” Technoblade turned on his heel quickly and made his way out into the snow, making sure to grab his horse this time as he blindly walked towards the stables.

“Bye, Techno! You can bake here if you want by the way! That is, if Ranboo knows how to bake!”

Waving his hand wildly in Phil’s general direction, Technoblade climbed on top of his horse and pointed its body to where he’d hope he’d find Ranboo at this time of day. Shaking his head one last time, commanding the voices to quiet themselves just for the journey, he flicked his wrist and took off.

//////////////////////////////////////////

Groaning for what seemed to be the 30th time today, Technoblade shoved his face into his hands in frustration, tempted to just yank his braid straight off his head at this point.

“I need to befriend people that know how to work in a kitchen without causing mass problems,” the hybrid said, now letting his head tilt back as he fell in step with Ranboo who looked down at him.

While making eye contact with his friend, the shorter groaned again and threw his head back up which almost made him stumble from dizziness.

“Stop towering over me,” Technoblade said as he gripped his head and recovered from the quick neck movements. This of course only made Ranboo chuckle, grass block in hand; that was as typical as it could get.

Setting down the block, Ranboo ruffled his hair as Technoblade now glared at him and said, “I am sorry. I just never learned how. Even if I had, do you think my brain would have cared to remember? You came asking the wrong person, Tech.”

Deep down he knew his friend was right but the voices were still yelling at him and upset, declaring they needed to make the cake and soon. It made a tremble pass through his body as they commanded it and anger pulse through his veins. Somehow the feeling he was getting was similar to that of the feeling he got when they needed blood which was throwing him off even more.

Thankfully he was pulled back to reality with a light shove.

“Keep staring at me like that and we may have some problems. No eye contact, remember?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Technoblade mumbled before pulling his braid over his shoulder, fiddling with the loose strands and ending bit that wasn’t messily braided; he never was the best at doing his own hair.

Knowing eyes were on him, he gnawed into his lip like he had been most the day and commented, “If you keep staring, we’ll have issues.” Ranboo laughed, shuffling his feet as they clomped along the wood beneath them, now analyzing their delicate and detailed lines just like Technoblade.

“I’m just worried. You’re clearly not fully you today. Or even fully present. I don’t see you express yourself outwardly like this very often.”

Some small thing snapped inside of the older and before he could stop himself, more cruel then usual words fell from his mouth.

“Well when the voices are trying to eat me from the inside out with their weird ass commands, I do tend to get a bit flustered and panicky.”

The words bit through his friend and Technoblade could feel it; the way the mood changed drastically and how Ranboo’s footsteps slowed. Immediate regret flooded through him and he glanced up to look the taller in the face, avoiding looking directly in his eyes and he inspected the features.

“Ranboo - shit - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound that harsh.”

Now he was shaking, a full body tremble as he tried to read whatever emotion he could find. There was none unfortunately which made him panic just a bit more; well, a lot more, especially considering that now the voices were tuning into his already worried thoughts.

“Why must I feel like this???” he reprimanded himself in his own head, arms now by his side and fingernails digging into his sweating palms.

“It’s okay, Tech,” Ranboo finally spoke, incredibly solem and not at all angry. It made a relaxed breath escape Technoblade’s chest and his shaking dulled but he was still somewhat concerned that he couldn’t tell what emotion was hardened across his friends face.

Before he could get dragged any deeper into his own abyss of a mind, unable to hush any of the voices, a firm hand lightly tapped his shoulder. A reassuring squeeze stopped his shaking completely and a relieved smile graced his no longer paled face.

Ranboo was physical, usually all the time. But he also knew Technoblade wasn’t, which is something the older was glad his friend respected but they both knew that sometimes the touch was necessary; this applied especially when the voices were having a field day.

“Seriously, I understand,” Ranboo said and smiled back at the shorter while not making eye contact. “But back to the topic at hand.”

Nodding and falling back into a regular stepping pattern, Technoblade’s ears twitched as he prepared himself to listen if needed but he was not at all ready to hear the next sentence.

“While I can’t bake whatsoever, Tubbo is fantastic at it so he could definitely help you.”

Silence. It was almost suffocating if you weren’t either of the two currently aimlessly walking around old paths in circles over and over again.

Knowing Ranboo was fully aware of what he had just said, Technoblade sputtered and his hands flew wildly about and for once in a long while, he agreed with the frantic voices in his head. They went on about government, how untrustworthy Tubbo could be, how “we can’t let that kid bake our cake, he’ll ruin it!” 

“You cannot be genuinely serious,” the older finally said after comically just rambling incoherent words from his surprise and he almost seemed offended by the offer; which he semi was.

“I am fully serious. My husband-”

“Do not remind me how you married him.”

“My husband is a great baker and would gladly help you,” Ranboo continued, clearly ignoring Technoblade’s interruption which made the pinkett's blood boil further.

Fingers curled as he twisted his face in thought, the silence dragged on further and further, Technoblade congregating with the voices and Ranboo just… waiting patiently it seemed. But there wasn’t any energy to waste on trying to analyze the tension or the clear disagreement they both held and most likely always will - no, there was only time to focus on what decision was going to be made as Technoblade weighed out his options.

“On one hand,” he thought to himself, voices attempting to chime in. “we would get a cake out of this and one that wouldn’t kill us. On the other hand, it’s Tubbo and do we really like him?” A chorus of no’s followed and Technoblade grumbled in frustration quietly and continued to think about the pro’s and con’s

With a few more patient moments, a decision was made but it sure was a hesitant one and that was clear by the tone of the next few words.

“I will work with Tubbo. But solely because-!” Technoblade held up his finger at a bouncing Ranboo who was now very hyped that his friend was willingly to participate in anything alongside Tubbo, tail wrapping around his long torso. “I need to make cake without accidentally killing myself by messing the cake up so bad I die and the voices demand I make them this sweet for whatever unnecessary reason. I’m not doing this because I want to.

Ranboo hummed happily before trotting his way forwards, probably on route to his house.

“As long as you two bond. I’ll go get Tubbo and we’ll head to your house - I want to hang out with Phil,” Ranboo commented, waving at Technoblade who stood there awkwardly and slightly pissed off, evident by how his arms crossed along his chest.

“See you, Tech!”

“Yeah yeah,” the older mumbled, turning abruptly, cape swinging around him along with his braid before making his way back to his awaiting horse. He wasn’t exactly keen on this plan but if it got the voices to shut up about different cake decorations, he was willingly to give it a shot.

Watching as his dirtied boots slammed against the ground, the hybrid mumbled to himself, “It’s not my fault though if one of us dies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay second chapter and me frustratingly learning ab end notes  
> im sorry i didnt proof read and am becoming less and less confident in myself KVDNLVNDL  
> (pls give me validation i beg)  
> kiss kiss much love for now


	3. Maybe It Won't Be So Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bonding moment starts out somewhat rough...

Tension encapsulated the quiet room, two people in particular glaring at each other while the other two just stood there, looking back and forth. It was like a competition to see who could kill each other with just their stares first but no one was winning; if anything they were going to get killed by awkwardness first and just pure spite.

Phil leaned in Ranboo’s direction, still fixated on his son and Tubbo before whispering, “Are we positive this was the best idea?”

Shaking his head and shrugging, Ranboo could barely answer that question, also staring at his husband and friend.

“I’m going to be honest here, this may have been the worst mistake we have ever made.”

“We? Don’t drag me into this. I thought you knew how to bake so I sent Techno to you.”

Scoffing and shaking his head, fluffy hair flapping over his eyes, Ranboo said, “Don’t ever assume I know how to do things. I thought we knew each other better than that.”

Silence continued as the two hushed themselves, contorting their features as they just watched as if the two would bite each other at any moment. They hadn’t realized but they were holding their breaths, thankful they had forced both Technoblade and Tubbo to set down any weapons at the door but still knowing the two were incredibly capable of hand to hand combat. That thought in itself was terrifying.

“Well,” Tubbo finally spoke up and Philza and Ranboo let out a breath for just a moment. “Should we start? We can’t leave the eggs out for long.”

Just when things seemed to be okay, Technoblade very gruffly said, “I don’t like you.” He then turned and faced the counter, gripping the sides til his fingers turned white and side eyed the younger who only scoffed and grabbed a nearby bowl. 

“I don’t remember asking since I am helping you after all.” He enunciated the “I” and “you”, grabbing a few eggs and almost crushing them in the process.

Making cake was easy; especially to Tubbo who had made cakes many times in the past. But making cakes with your, for some reason, sworn arch nemesis? That made the process all the more difficult. Along with how Technoblade barely knew how to hold a whisk properly, let alone bake anything edible.

Ranboo and Phil calmed down slightly and felt themselves relax, shoulders untensing but they still remained alert, beginning to quietly hold a conversation with their eyes still on their companions. 

While Technoblade was unhappy about the situation, the voices had become somewhat duller, no longer causing a horrendous pain to track through his body and attempt to devour him whole. His head no longer thumped as he tried to stay connected to reality so there was one thing to be grateful for in this, what he would call, mess of a situation. Even as Tubbo shoved him lightly to get the flour, he kept a cool exterior and took in deep breaths like he had practiced with Phil in the past for when he was overwhelmed.

Well that worked for about 5 minutes before eventually Tubbo shoved Technoblade again, forcing him to stumble away from the counter as he watched the younger take up more space which was enough to let all hell break loose. Funnily enough, it wouldn’t usually be a thing that would be such a big deal. But with stakes and tension so incredibly high, it was enough to set off the metaphorical fireworks that had been sitting in the room, waiting to absolutely implode and destroy everything.

“Shove me again one more time-”

“I’ll do what I want,” Tubbo mocked and the pinkett growled, the voices now strengthening.

The blond across the room could tell from the moment Technoblade got shoved that nothing good could happen. He stepped forward, tempted to break up the argument that was starting but Ranboo held him back, lightly wrapping his fingers around his arm and shaking his head.

“We have to let them get out some of the anger. They don’t have weapons and while I know it is possible for them to end up brawling somehow, I don’t see Tubbo engaging in something like that. Especially since there’s no real reason to.” Phil listened intently, mulling over his now current thoughts.

“I trust Techno and he’s said he has no other reason to dislike Tubbo other than because he was connected to the government. He’s also not the type to get into fights unless there’s a real reason.”

Both winced and ducked as an egg suddenly flew past them, hitting the wall with a loud splat that was followed by increasingly loud yelling. The younger glanced behind him towards the gooey substance now tracking down the darkened wooden wall. His nose scrunched up in disgust.

There was a mutual awareness between them all that no one here truly wanted anyone to get hurt, even if it was unconscious. Everyone in the house was a good person with usually semi good morals and while there was a lot of grey area with their decisions, they still knew that when it came down to it, this was their family. These were their ride or die.

So even as Technoblade shouted, “I will blow you up faster than you could say ‘Lmanberg!’” they all knew a calm would come.

Hopefully.

“Boys,” Phil finally spoke up, clearing his throat. They didn’t pay attention for a second and instead continued yelling, a puff of flour erupting around them as Tubbo slammed his hand down and Ranboo looked between the older male and his two companions. Becoming more frustrated, he made himself louder. “Boys!” he called. Still no response. Mouth twitching up, Phil let out a breath before repeating, louder this time.

“Boys!!” Suddenly, two heads flipped towards the oldests direction, faces red from anger and yelling, still seething and if they were candles, you would barely be able to put them out.

“Stop. Right now. I know you two have a lot of… underlying issues with the other but seriously, you are here to bake a cake. Techno,” Technoblade perked up at his name, ears twitching up in attention. He knew this voice his father used. “Ranboo and Tubbo were kind enough to come down here and help you with the cake to stop the voices, am I right?”

Slowly nodding, the hybrid rubbed his arm and awkwardly looked down at the messed up counter.

“And Tubbo,” Tubbo also perked up at his name, less aware of what voice was being used but by the look his husband was giving him, it wasn’t the most positive one. “Techno has a rough time with the voices and the government and you know this. He’s grateful for you being here but you need to be more patient with him and stop shoving.”

Tubbo’s eyes widened as he realized they had seen him do that, ears turning red. 

“Yes we saw the shoves. Now both of you; take deep breaths and just work together. Please,” Ranboo added on, stepping forward just the slightest so they’d pay more attention.

The two took a deep breath and hesitantly looked at the other, clearly embarrassed of being called out and reprimanded for their previous actions. Eyes scanning each other, Tubbo held out a hand in Technoblade’s direction. Staring, the pinkette tuned out the voices commentary and took the younger’s hand and gave a small smile. Returning the gesture, the brunet shook his hand and turned back to the counter, now talking about how they were going to proceed with the cake and decorations afterwards.

It was difficult sometimes for everyone, and bonding never came easy to the large group of people. But when it did happen, sometimes it didn’t always end in yells and pain but instead in laughter and a few good memories. Thankfully, this time was a comfortable one that would only end in enjoyment of a, somehow, decent cake and gentle smiles.

Though Phil did almost whap the two across the head for the egg mess along the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty and we're done  
> it is midnight and i am going to lay down so goodbye for now  
> im sorry this is kinda shit but i hope you liked it nonetheless  
> kiss kiss much love
> 
> \- ender

**Author's Note:**

> hiii so back again with a fic. the chapters are somewhat short but i didnt wanna put everything i wrote into one giant chapter so you get multiple :D lemme know if yall dont like it and as always, tell me ab spelling mistakes and such  
> kiss kiss much love
> 
> \- ender <3


End file.
